I haven't written in a while so I thought I would share one of my latest thought processes with you. (You being... the reader... most likely Tyler Osborne or Alyssa Baldwin. haha) I've now been living in Jackson for 2 years. I've been living completely on my own now for about 2 monthes. I've reached that point in life where I'm living in a place where i'm paying rent, electric, and having to watch the thermostat and use of water. I'm cooking all 3 of my meals for myself. i'm going to work 5 outta 7 days, sometimes more. Then, when I get off work, I spend my time with the people I love in Jackson/Humboldt. Not Franklin. And now I sit here, on my week off from work, and I feel somewhat torn between this old way of life, that was slightly more immature and dependent on others, and my new way of life, where I find myself relying on the new people around me, myself, and my God. Weird huh? Ok now, allow me to elaborate. There used to be a time when i felt that I related to at least one side of my family. My mom's side has never liked me and never will, but my dad's side has always loved me and accepted me. Now, I sit at my Grandparents's house and I'm realizing just how COMPLETELY different I am from the rest of my family. (alyssa is in the same boat, btw) My grandparents were both born in one town, raised in that town, and will die here. They never left the country. They never went on adventures. They lived in Greenville, South carolina with eachother. Been married for 50+ years and raised 3 children here. (one of those great kids being my father, who I respect more than anyone) They have worked in one church, never really visited any others. Grandma has sung in the choir for 50 years. They are racist. They are judgmental of families that fall apart. They make fun of overweight people. They appear....."perfect". I finally realized yesterday that because of my life experiences, beliefs, and what God has called me to.... i will NEVER be like that. EVER. I am going to (if I haven't already) experience so many more things than no one else in my family has, and I WANT TO! I want to be the one who sees the world. I want to be the one who loves those races that are deemed "lower." I want to hold the children whose families are broken in my arms as they sort through their emotions. I wanna cry with people. Love people. Be afraid of things. Explore. Dream. Fall in love on Earth and with my Father in heaven! It's a beautiful thing to grow up.... but it's also interesting to watch and see where you've come from. As I look at my family, both sides of it, I wonder where on EARTH I came from. (?????) It truly makes no sense. I don't share many of the same beliefs as my mom's side of the family, and I have trouble keeping my mouth shut as I listen to the ignorance and lack of faith that my father's side of the family shows. (even though I LOVE LOVE LOVE them so much b/c they ARE my family) SO HOW DID I GET THIS WAY? WHERE DID AMANDA BALDWIN COME FROM? certainly not from 100% family raising. Growing up just gives an odd perspective on things. | 
