When you date your best friend...

So a great thing has happened, I've fallen in love with someone that I consider to not only be an incredible guy and boyfriend, but my best friend. When that happens, especially to someone of my personality, funny things are bound to happen.... so for your laughing pleasure.

Example #1

A: I want a dog, baby! A cute little puppy that I can cuddle with and call mine.

Z: NO... you can't have one.

A: Why can I have one?! I wanna cuddle with it!!!

Z: 2 reasons 1) you'll stop cuddling with me. 2) If we get married, that stupid thing will still be alive and I'll have to take care of it.

A: BUT WE WOULD BE A FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Zac falls over laughing)

Example #2:

(Amanda gets into the car)

A: So what are we doing tonight?

Z: I'm thinkin.... ice cream.

A: Ok sweet!

(ONE DAY LATER, Amanda gets into car)

A: Where to?

Z: Ice cream sound good to you?

(Two days later..... Amanda gets into car again)

A: Whatcha wanna do?

Z: I really want some ice cream

A: What are you, a girl?! Who consumes this much ice cream in a week??

Example #3

Z: I'm not that jealous of a guy.

A: O really??? That's a load of crap.

Z: give me one example!

A: Ok! I'll give you a bunch... 1) Everytime Bruce comes around, you instantly put your arm around me. 2) Anytime I'm talking to the ATO guys, you wanna know who and if possible, you wanna come joing the conversation. 3) ...... Amanda continues for 3 more situations....

Z: (whispers quietly) I can't help that I love you.....

Example #4

(Amanda And Zac are looking at some of Evin's wedding photography... randomly)

A: O!!! I like this one! They are exiting the church with bubbles!!! I would love that. As we were walking, I would wanna pop the bubbles.

Z: Memo to self, no bubbles for Andy's wedding

A: WHY!?

Z: Because I'm nearly positive that will only delay us getting outta there and beginnging that honeymoon.... so... no!

I'm so blessed to have him. He makes me laugh all the time.

An update on thoughts (warning: this could be long...)

I haven't written in a while so I thought I would share one of my latest thought processes with you. (You being... the reader... most likely Tyler Osborne or Alyssa Baldwin. haha)

I've now been living in Jackson for 2 years. I've been living completely on my own now for about 2 monthes. I've reached that point in life where I'm living in a place where i'm paying rent, electric, and having to watch the thermostat and use of water. I'm cooking all 3 of my meals for myself. i'm going to work 5 outta 7 days, sometimes more. Then, when I get off work, I spend my time with the people I love in Jackson/Humboldt.

Not Franklin.

And now I sit here, on my week off from work, and I feel somewhat torn between this old way of life, that was slightly more immature and dependent on others, and my new way of life, where I find myself relying on the new people around me, myself, and my God. Weird huh?

Ok now, allow me to elaborate.

There used to be a time when i felt that I related to at least one side of my family. My mom's side has never liked me and never will, but my dad's side has always loved me and accepted me. Now, I sit at my Grandparents's house and I'm realizing just how COMPLETELY different I am from the rest of my family. (alyssa is in the same boat, btw) My grandparents were both born in one town, raised in that town, and will die here. They never left the country. They never went on adventures. They lived in Greenville, South carolina with eachother. Been married for 50+ years and raised 3 children here. (one of those great kids being my father, who I respect more than anyone) They have worked in one church, never really visited any others. Grandma has sung in the choir for 50 years. They are racist. They are judgmental of families that fall apart. They make fun of overweight people. They appear....."perfect".

I finally realized yesterday that because of my life experiences, beliefs, and what God has called me to.... i will NEVER be like that. EVER. I am going to (if I haven't already) experience so many more things than no one else in my family has, and I WANT TO!

I want to be the one who sees the world. I want to be the one who loves those races that are deemed "lower." I want to hold the children whose families are broken in my arms as they sort through their emotions. I wanna cry with people. Love people. Be afraid of things. Explore. Dream. Fall in love on Earth and with my Father in heaven!

It's a beautiful thing to grow up.... but it's also interesting to watch and see where you've come from. As I look at my family, both sides of it, I wonder where on EARTH I came from. (?????) It truly makes no sense. I don't share many of the same beliefs as my mom's side of the family, and I have trouble keeping my mouth shut as I listen to the ignorance and lack of faith that my father's side of the family shows. (even though I LOVE LOVE LOVE them so much b/c they ARE my family)

SO HOW DID I GET THIS WAY?

WHERE DID AMANDA BALDWIN COME FROM?

certainly not from 100% family raising.  

Growing up just gives an odd perspective on things.

A day for REST

so, I'm not gonna lie to you.

I'm scared.

This summer internship continues to become a bigger and bigger job.

Here, I'll explain (for those of you who aren't alyssa...lol).  When I got hired for this job, there were 6 interns and 2 youth pastors all working in this massive youth ministry, here in Jackson. I made the team become 7 interns and 2 youth pastors when they hired me. My one job assignment (see previous blogs) was to love the kids that were hard to love, basically. The druggie kids, the sexually active girls, the gangster boys.... those are now MY kids and I really do almost feel like they are all in some way either my children or my siblings. I would do anything for them. God has done SOOO much in the last month and I don't want to miss giving him that glory. I have two girls that are now meeting with me weekly for bible study....two girls that I was told would NEVER open up. I have another girl that I'm meeting with weekly to counsel and I can see God at work in her life as well. Those are just two examples.

However, the one thing I love the most and the one thing I would never ever trade.... is draining the crap outta me. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and even physically. In the last month and a half I have been hired, I have counseled rape victims, pregnancies, conviscated drugs, had to ask a cop to escort a child from the church campus...... and the list just goes on.

On top of that I JUST found out that for the summer... I will be the ONLY intern. yup, that's right. the team of 7 is now 1.....and I already feel stretched with them helping me!

Basically, all I'm saying is that this summer is going to be tough. It'll be rewarding, and honestly, I feel like I'm gonna be a mission trip a little bit. However, this mission trip is my life.It's not on the other side of the world where  I can leave in a week or two and just go home. I will be in Franklin, TN for maybe 2-3 weeks TOPS this summer and I can't even begin to express to you how hard that is. I want so badly to be with you guys in franklin. I see pictures, and I realize that I could be in them. I hear inside jokes, and I realize that I could have known what they meant...... but I know I'm called to be here, and as hard as it is to be apart from Alyssa, Tyler, Kendra, Abbey, Chris, Kory, Nathan (when he's home), kim, Kate (when she gets back), kelsy, etc...... I know I'm supposed to be HERE. These kids need me and they need me to show them who Jesus Christ is, b/c no one has before.

sorry for the long rant.

Today, I'm giving myself a day of rest. I'm driving to a friend's house in memphis and I will be spending the day by the pool with my paints, my journal, my music, and my bible. If you call and I don't answer.... it's probably b/c I have turned it off.

Today, I'm not taking care of 200 kids. I'm taking care of Amanda Baldwin, cuz if she's not ready to go....there's no way this summer will be any good for anyone.

I'm a little girl with a toy

Tonight I was thinking through some frustrations in my spiritual walk and personal life. I realized as I was thinking through it all that it all turned back to trust issues in my Lord. If I would just trust more and chill out and rely on Him more... I wouldn't have these frustrations.

I was at work when I was thinking through these things and then God gave me the perfect visual lesson.

My boss has a  beautiful little girl who is about 5 years old and is full of life. Well, today was her birthday and one of the other staff members at church brought her a toy. It was beautiful doll and it was very intricately strapped into this box with all these little twisty ties and tape and wire (hope you know what I mean). She was so excited as she sat down with her new gift and instantly tried to begin tearing into the box to get to the doll.

It was obvious to all of us that were watching that little Briana was never gonna  get to her doll without her Dad's (Dave's) help. However, everytime Dave offered to help her...she would scream, "No! I wanna do it by myself, DADDY!!!!"

then, the worst possible thing happened....the doll broke b/c she was pulling on it too hard. She instantly went into hysterical tears and instantly (it was almost funny) turned to her dad and said ," YOU BROKE MY DOLL!!!!"

God quickly told me, "you are little Briana. you have incredible gifts and opportunities in front of you but you are trying to open them all by yourself. If you don't let Me help you, you'll mess up or hurt yourself....and then turn around and blame your pain on me."

how true.... anyways... just something to ponder.  

Easter surprise

so, I thought that I was gonna have to stay in jackson for easter to help at the church I work at now. However, they have told us that we can do what we want.

When I told Zac this... his response was ," well, why don't we go to franklin?"

so, this is my public statement....

ZAC will be in FRANKLIN from thursday night til Sunday afternoon.... if you wanna meet the kid, let me know and/ or gimme a call. cuz he wants to meet all of you too!